...on the water
...on the building
...on a marble wall
...from my mind
It is easy to feel God's presence when everything is going well in my life. But when I was alone, downtrodden and in despair, I could hardly hear His voice. It was so faint... hardly a whisper.
Alone. I can be in a crowded room, a workplace and even in the company of family and still feel so terribly alone. Alone in my pain and anguish. Alone... dejected and pushed so close to the edge.
Strangely, I wasn't conscious I am in a dark place. I didn't recognize that my constant illness, frequent onset of migraine headaches, and low energy were all signs that I was suffering from delayed abject grief. I simply attributed the lingering sense of malaise and all my physical failings to an aging body and gross lack of sleep.
And then it only got worst: I stopped going to business/civic events. I started withdrawing from social contact. And if it weren't for work, I wouldn't leave the house. I was turning into a recluse. At home, I found solace in the company of books - mystery thrillers. I've always been a reader; and earlier this year I've discovered Nordic noir.
So, I escaped into somebody's fantasy world darker than mine. For the noir protagonists, some form of justice prevailed and, if lucky, a smidgen of happiness in the end... but not always. They were worse off.
You can't read too much of these; they'll suffocate you. So, I'd take a break and read Ted Dekker's works - books with positive messages of hope, of happiness, and of God.
Happiness. When will my "happy" come along? I don't fancy myself as a noir heroine in my life story. I want to be happy - the kind that dreams are made out of. Will I have my turn again? And I can't help but ask where does God figure in my circumstance?
Alone.
We are never truly alone. I know this. God is always with us, with me, no matter where I find myself. And God manifests Himself in mysterious ways. He works through friends, co-workers, and even in the books I've read. He is the spark of light at the end of the tunnel - a glimmer of hope. My Hope. He propped me up and gently urged me to look towards the Light.
Yet, there are a lot of times I am blind to the light... I am struggling.
My journey is fraught with challenges, and it's one hell of a rollercoaster ride! It can be discouraging. I vacillate - feeling good, high up and happy one moment. And often times, like now, I am sad.
So, thank You God for making me realize that there is a glimmer of hope in my life!
November 11, 2013
Alone. I can be in a crowded room, a workplace and even in the company of family and still feel so terribly alone. Alone in my pain and anguish. Alone... dejected and pushed so close to the edge.
Strangely, I wasn't conscious I am in a dark place. I didn't recognize that my constant illness, frequent onset of migraine headaches, and low energy were all signs that I was suffering from delayed abject grief. I simply attributed the lingering sense of malaise and all my physical failings to an aging body and gross lack of sleep.
And then it only got worst: I stopped going to business/civic events. I started withdrawing from social contact. And if it weren't for work, I wouldn't leave the house. I was turning into a recluse. At home, I found solace in the company of books - mystery thrillers. I've always been a reader; and earlier this year I've discovered Nordic noir.
So, I escaped into somebody's fantasy world darker than mine. For the noir protagonists, some form of justice prevailed and, if lucky, a smidgen of happiness in the end... but not always. They were worse off.
You can't read too much of these; they'll suffocate you. So, I'd take a break and read Ted Dekker's works - books with positive messages of hope, of happiness, and of God.
Happiness. When will my "happy" come along? I don't fancy myself as a noir heroine in my life story. I want to be happy - the kind that dreams are made out of. Will I have my turn again? And I can't help but ask where does God figure in my circumstance?
Alone.
We are never truly alone. I know this. God is always with us, with me, no matter where I find myself. And God manifests Himself in mysterious ways. He works through friends, co-workers, and even in the books I've read. He is the spark of light at the end of the tunnel - a glimmer of hope. My Hope. He propped me up and gently urged me to look towards the Light.
Yet, there are a lot of times I am blind to the light... I am struggling.
My journey is fraught with challenges, and it's one hell of a rollercoaster ride! It can be discouraging. I vacillate - feeling good, high up and happy one moment. And often times, like now, I am sad.
So, thank You God for making me realize that there is a glimmer of hope in my life!
November 11, 2013